Got these jokes from a friend and I find them quite funny.
Hopefully they will brighten up your day too like they did for mine…
Wife: “What are you doing?”
Wife: “Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.”
Husband: “I was looking for the expiry date.”
Wife: “Do you want dinner?”
Husband: “Sure! What are my choices?”
Wife: “Yes or no.”
Wife: “You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?”
Hubby: “When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.”
Wife: “You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”
Hubby: “Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?”
Stress Reliever Girl: “When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.”
Boy: “It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.”
Girl: “Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.”
Son: “Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.”
Mom: “Well, you have done the right thing.”
Son: “But mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.”
A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”
“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly, “I’d have married you, N O MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!”
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: “Thanks for the early warning.”
A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?”
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your sense of humor.”
I got this quiz from 5xmom’s blog and I got hooked! I managed to get 41 countries right on my first try. After I read the list, I buay song (i.e. unhappy) because I know I can do much better if I were to type a little faster and think a little faster. So, I tried again but this time I could only churn out 50. A little frustrating and still very buay song, so I cheated again… I took a good look at the list and did the test again. This time I could come out with 60 countries. Not bad, but still not good enough. I think I will try again later after I finish my cup of coffee!
If you are as bored as I am today (I’m waiting for my work to come in), go take this quiz. It’s really fun.
I know Mid-Autumn festival is long over, but the girl wanted to make some crab craft and I had wanted to try making the lanterns I seen on Our Everyday Things (link below), so we made two crab lanterns together. One for her and another for Niklas. As Niklas would never leave us alone unless we involved him in our lantern making, I gave him his own jumbo crayons to color his crab picture. He was so happy and just sat there quietly doing his coloring while I helped the girl with her lantern. For the very first time, I felt so peaceful. There was no argument, no snatching of materials, no interruptions! I think we can start doing more craft projects with the little one already.
Materials Used :
1. 1x disposable cup
2. Cardboard paper or paper plates or any thick paper (We recycled old paper folder)
3. Scotch/Masking tape (for taping the picture on the cup)
5. Sticks or Disposable chopsticks
These lanterns were a big hit with the children. The big girl loves to play the pretend fishing game with her lantern while the little boy loves to swing his around. This craft is really simple and I highly recommend you to make it with your little ones.
Original craft idea is from Our Everyday Things and you should really check out the lanterns Leonny did with her kids.
We just had another 1 foot of snow fall this morning. Poor DH had to plow the snow before he left for his biz trip. Yes, I’m “home alone” with the children once again. Argh…
Anyway, here’s a funny joke I got from some blog long time ago (lost the URL ). You should read it if you think snow is romantic, snow is fun…
Let it Snow!
Moved to our new home in Michigan. It is so beautiful here.The hills are so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. This is God’s Country. I love it here!
Michigan is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors – you should see the beautiful shades of red and orange and yellow! Went for a ride through some beautiful rolling hills and spotted some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be Paradise… I love it here!
Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature, the very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here!
It snowed last night! Woke up to find everything blanketed in white, just like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother nature in perfect harmony. I
More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal) and pushed all the snow back into the driveway, but we bundled up and had a good time clearing it – and we made a snowman out of it! A winter wonderland… I love it here!
More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work on time! I’m exhausted from shoveling. That damn snowplow!
More of that white crap fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow man hides around the corner and waits until I’m done shoveling this driveway, the jerk! And you should see our heating bills!
“White Christmas” my busted ass! More friggin snow. If I ever get my hands on that son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I’ll break the bastard’s nose. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt this friggin ICE!
More white sh*t last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except for shoveling out the driveway every time “Snowplow Harry” comes by. Can’t go anywhere, car’s buried in a mountain of frozen snow. The weatherman says to expect another 10″ of the sh*t tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10″ is
Happy Damn New Year, the weatherman was wrong AGAIN. We got two feet of the white sh*t this time. At this rate it won’t melt before the Fourth of July. The snowplow got stuck up the road, and the jerk had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. After I told him I’ve broken six shovels already, shoveling all the sh*t he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his damn head!
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back, a damn deer ran in front of the car and I hit the bastard. Did about $3,000 worth of damage to the car. Those damn beasts ought to be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.
Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from all that damn salt they keep dumping all over the road Car looks like a piece of sh*t!
Moved back to Florida. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in that God forsaken state of Michigan!
NTU student survey – very funny! Go watch it now!
1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
8. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.
(Original article from here.)
A husband and his wife who have been married twenty years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.
So the man says to his wife, “Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill.” She says nothing and ignores the remark.
A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill. Then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, “Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!” She ignores this remark as well.
Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, “If you think I’m gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken.”
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,” the wife explained. “He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I’m listening.”
Need more jokes? Go here.
(got it from dh)
Dad : “Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her.”
Son : (goes over to the aunt) “Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid.
Teacher: “Spell ‘WATER’,” Girl : “HIJKLMNO.”
Teacher: “That doesn’t spell ‘WATER’,”
Girl : “Yes, it does it’s all the letters from ‘H to O’.”
Teacher: “Where were u born?”
Student: “Singapore, Sir.”
Teacher: “Which part?”
Student: “All of me, Sir.”
Teacher: “Chong, u missed school last Friday.”
Chong : “You’re wrong, Sir.”
Teacher: “Wrong, how is that?”
Chong : “I was absent, yes but I certainly didn’t miss it!”
Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist : 90.00.
Patient : 90.00 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.
Teacher : “How come you do not comb your hair?”
Student : “No comb, Sir.”
Teacher : “Use your dad’s then.”
Student : “No hair, Sir.”
A boy come home from school with his exam results.
“What did u get?” asked his father.
“My marks are under water,” said the boy. “What do u mean ‘under water’?”
“They are all below ‘C’(sea) level”
Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love
Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can’t you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can’t.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing,
one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it’s really strange. I’ ve got another pair of the same at home.
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the
game went into extra time.
Girl asked her lover, “Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a
ring?” “Sure,” replied her lover “What’s your phone number?”
Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field” Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,
shouting, “Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!” “That’s great,
Sweetheart,” said her daddy. “Come in to the living room and tell me
about it.” “Well,” began the confession, “I got 50 in spelling, 30 in
Maths and 20 in Science.
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : Well, he became a father only when i was born!